Buson (Attila) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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farawayplace2023-06-19 12:45 am
buson) wrote in farawayplace2023-06-19 12:45 am
Entry tags:
No place like home
Reflection - Stardust Beach
To those in Ultern, Buson might be gone for about nine days, give or take. He didn’t show up for work on the cargo ship, without excuse, but as one of the drifted, suddenly leaving was as expected as suddenly arriving, and life went on…
To Buson, he’d been gone months (or was it nearly a year?), returned to complete the ill-fated Raikou mission, as well as many more successful ventures, even capturing another Legendary Pokemon for Team Rocket. He watched the seasons change and lost the deeper tan he’d gained in the rice terraces and on the sea. His more relaxed and friendly expression had regained a sharper, crueler edge, but to his credit, he never lost his sense of humour! Alright, so, maybe he'd started cracking even more jokes than usual as a coping mechanism, but—
He had kept the souvenir bottle of sand he'd bought the last time he was in Ohritori and taken it with him to Johto, and back again. It was the only thing that convinced he hadn't dreamed it all. There were a number of times he thought of casting it out into the sea or otherwise disposing of it, and he often kept it out of sight, since it seemed to taunt or shame him for how easily he returned to old ways, but he still found it impossible to abandon.
The hope he might return also had him catch another Pokemon to keep with him, so his Bandolier now has two more pokeballs clipped to it.
He now found himself once more, on Stardust Beach, in Ohritori, at night, and stayed watching the dark sea in silence. He felt nostalgic, jaded, apprehensive, and relieved. He felt so many conflicting emotions, that he could only sit and wait to see which would be the victor, as he regained his bearings and fully accepted he had truly returned.
He might search for familiar faces after that...
Hiding in Plain Sight - Turnbloom City
—But first, a place to purchase a change of clothes, as he'd arrived in his silver Team Rocket uniform once again, as his appearance was known to at least one officer in Ohritori. He considered traditional Ulternian clothes, this time. The brighter, bolder colours, particularly the reds and oranges, caught his eye and they weren't as restrictive as kimono, even worn properly... but all the colours he liked seemed to be more restricted to women's clothes!
So, with some disappointment, he opted for kariyushi instead. Picking the loudest, reddest kariyushi shirt with the busiest, boldest pattern and swapping his sunglasses for... another pair of sunglasses (but tackier, star-shaped, even), he also grabbed a pair of shorts, and even a fisherman's bucket hat.
He took one look in the changing room mirror, all decked out, flashed a grin, and said, "They won't know what hit 'em!"
He paid and left, whistling a tune, hanging onto his bundled-up uniform, at least long enough to find a good place to hide it. Part of him wanted to burn it, but he knew it could come in handy. You could never have too many disguises!
Touching Base - Chura Island
He wasn't sure if they would still have that place in Gukuru House. Was Bashou paying for the inn? Would he have moved away? How long had it been for him? Perhaps... Bashou might have even returned to his own world? Buson would search for him all the same, just in case.
If there's anyone he can't find, he could always ask around and follow their trail to track them down... that's a skill he never lost.
To those in Ultern, Buson might be gone for about nine days, give or take. He didn’t show up for work on the cargo ship, without excuse, but as one of the drifted, suddenly leaving was as expected as suddenly arriving, and life went on…
To Buson, he’d been gone months (or was it nearly a year?), returned to complete the ill-fated Raikou mission, as well as many more successful ventures, even capturing another Legendary Pokemon for Team Rocket. He watched the seasons change and lost the deeper tan he’d gained in the rice terraces and on the sea. His more relaxed and friendly expression had regained a sharper, crueler edge, but to his credit, he never lost his sense of humour! Alright, so, maybe he'd started cracking even more jokes than usual as a coping mechanism, but—
He had kept the souvenir bottle of sand he'd bought the last time he was in Ohritori and taken it with him to Johto, and back again. It was the only thing that convinced he hadn't dreamed it all. There were a number of times he thought of casting it out into the sea or otherwise disposing of it, and he often kept it out of sight, since it seemed to taunt or shame him for how easily he returned to old ways, but he still found it impossible to abandon.
The hope he might return also had him catch another Pokemon to keep with him, so his Bandolier now has two more pokeballs clipped to it.
He now found himself once more, on Stardust Beach, in Ohritori, at night, and stayed watching the dark sea in silence. He felt nostalgic, jaded, apprehensive, and relieved. He felt so many conflicting emotions, that he could only sit and wait to see which would be the victor, as he regained his bearings and fully accepted he had truly returned.
He might search for familiar faces after that...
Hiding in Plain Sight - Turnbloom City
—But first, a place to purchase a change of clothes, as he'd arrived in his silver Team Rocket uniform once again, as his appearance was known to at least one officer in Ohritori. He considered traditional Ulternian clothes, this time. The brighter, bolder colours, particularly the reds and oranges, caught his eye and they weren't as restrictive as kimono, even worn properly... but all the colours he liked seemed to be more restricted to women's clothes!
So, with some disappointment, he opted for kariyushi instead. Picking the loudest, reddest kariyushi shirt with the busiest, boldest pattern and swapping his sunglasses for... another pair of sunglasses (but tackier, star-shaped, even), he also grabbed a pair of shorts, and even a fisherman's bucket hat.
He took one look in the changing room mirror, all decked out, flashed a grin, and said, "They won't know what hit 'em!"
He paid and left, whistling a tune, hanging onto his bundled-up uniform, at least long enough to find a good place to hide it. Part of him wanted to burn it, but he knew it could come in handy. You could never have too many disguises!
Touching Base - Chura Island
He wasn't sure if they would still have that place in Gukuru House. Was Bashou paying for the inn? Would he have moved away? How long had it been for him? Perhaps... Bashou might have even returned to his own world? Buson would search for him all the same, just in case.
If there's anyone he can't find, he could always ask around and follow their trail to track them down... that's a skill he never lost.
[ big big oof... ]
Bashou was so used to repressing his reactions, someone who knew him as well as Buson could easily tell whem he was trying to do the opposite and fake something.
His raised eyebrows, though, were a genuine reaction as Buson explained what Roselia could do. He had clearly put a lot of thought into this, and Bashou was about to remark on that, even before Buson explained that it could use Aromatherapy. Bashou immediately thought of Makana, his Comfey back in his home world. He missed her, but at the same time, this made Buson's gift even more thoughtful. He smiled as the Roselia began to come closer.
"Springwater it is, then." Addressing the Roselia, he added, "I may not seem like the warmest person, but I take good care of my team. And besides, it sounds like you're almost as thorny as I am."
For a few minutes, Bashou seemed to be captivated by his new Pokémon. He didn't try to touch the Roselia again, but silently appreciated its petals and scent. Not quite the same as his Comfey, since her scent could change depending on what plants she had picked up, but beautiful nonetheless.
It might have seemed that Bashou wasn't listening or noticing Buson's mood, but he was. It just took him a moment or two to process everything, and so there was a brief silence before he spoke.
"You don't need to be sorry, Buson. I suppose I started it, saying that I was worried something might have happened to you. It's good to be honest about things, isn't it? Even if they're not pleasant?"
In spite of what he'd just said, Bashou was secretly troubled by the idea that it was impossible to die here - and yet he thought it best not to be honest about that, in case it just caused more worry for Buson. But it might have shown on his face, even if Buson was the only person in the world who could ever notice.
What if I never get drifted home? I don't want to be immortal. Please, anything but that.
Bashou wouldn't lie to Buson about how he felt, but he would choose his words carefully. Some people called that lying by omission, but anyway...
"Thank you for telling me that. If you ever get drifted again, then...even if I'm not sure what's happened...at least I'll be assured that you couldn't have died. That's good news. Isn't it?"
[CW death mention, suicide/suicidal ideation, drowning mention, etc., this thread's sinking]
All this talk about honesty...
Buson started to lift his head, sitting a bit straighter, at least from his upper back, while he stayed low, close to the ground, watching Bashou.
His expression looked hurt by the last statement and his response was a clearly forced smile and a laugh just as fake. "Y-yeah..."
He would have rather spent the rest of his days here. The fact that he couldn't, hurt a little. Having gone back, he could understand, more and more, by the day, Manzana's decision to just throw himself into the sea if he ever had to go back to his old life and somehow survived, even if he could never condone it. It was depressing to think about and Buson could never do such a thing, it felt as cowardly as trying to escape Team Rocket—any decision that involved leaving Bashou alone seemed unthinkable to him, even if life back home felt more like slowly rotting from the inside.
"... hey, um, Bashou?" he began, uncertainly.
For lack of a thing to busy himself with, he toyed with Roselia's pokeball, passing it between his hands.
Re: [CW death mention, suicide/suicidal ideation, drowning mention, etc., this thread's sinking]
"Yes...?"
Though it was just a single word, Bashou tried to make it as bright as possible, as though that alone might help lift the atmosphere. Probably not. Bashou held back a sigh, wondering if Buson had somehow managed to read his mind. Wondering whether he was about to get called out on his hypocrisy, for talking about honesty but keeping the darker things hidden...
Bashou glanced at the Poké Ball that Buson was playing with, and it crossed his mind that he'd need that, if it was Roselia's...but he didn't want to mention it just now, while it was providing some distraction for Buson.
[let’s add experimentation on Pokemon and allusions to torture, wynaut]
“I…” he began, but didn’t finish, shaking his head, before deciding to ask a question first. “You still prefer home?”
Still? That sounded a bit more judgmental than he intended, it came out harsher than he would have wanted, so he frowned and tried to elaborate:
“… that mission was a bust, like you’d said, but we… if it’s the same for both of us, we’ll have other opportunities for work. The Professor didn’t give up on us or anything… we even successfully catch a Rayquaza for him.”
It’s all very, very quiet, with downturned gaze, while he continued to play with the pokeball, wishing he hadn’t taken off the sunglasses. The faint dark circles and lines etched a bit deeper than before. He missed the barrier the shades provided, but if they were going to be honest, perhaps it was just as well that he’d lose the screen to lay his feelings bare.
“It’s… in the lab, we got to see it… struggling against restraints, electric shocks administered…”
Electric shocks administered, phrased like it was a life-saving medical intervention. All very clinical-sounding and sterile, belying the inherently unethical and sordid nature of the work. Home sweet home, right?
At that, he finally seemed brave enough to lift his gaze, to watch Bashou’s expression, wondering how that moght make him feel. Earlier, he seemed to think Buson would be happy if Rocket’s influence and reach spread, but he’d only felt pity at a child being brought up so close to a base that so acquainted with them that it seemed like a normal, natural choice for a career. Bashou also expressed missing the financial stability and privacy he had home.
Did he still prefer his old life? Would this news make Bashou happy? Proud? Indifferent?
He needed to know first, before he could proceed.
Just one more thing—
“The weather’s good today, it’s a shame, but we might have to take it inside…”
He didn’t mean it sound like a half a stock phrase for an interrogation, but force of habit… at least the expression and voice hadn’t any threat or menace behind it, it was only a signal to go inside if they’d needed a more private place to talk more freely.
Roselia seemed… unconcerned with the conversational topic, looking over Bashou carefully, observing from different angles, wondering where it might find “thorns.” That dummy he was training with looks like it’s been cut and stabbed a few times! Perhaps it might eventually find what he used to cut! It did not touch him yet, only peering curiously. If they were hidden, he may reveal his own thorns at his own pace as well!
[ Bashou is not making this any better... ]
Bashou was going to leave it at that, but it felt like an unsatisfactory answer. Especially if Buson had been away for weeks, or months, by his own perception. And even more so, when Buson told him about what the future may hold.
Rayquaza was an even bigger prize than Raikou would have been, and Bashou couldn't imagine how they'd managed it. He glanced at Buson, noticing that it didn't seem to have made him happy. If anything, he seemed troubled by it. Guilty, perhaps?
Bashou wondered if he should match Buson's mood, just for the sake of harmony. Buson had only just got back, and Bashou didn't want to greet him with a disagreement...but they were being honest, yes? Bashou wasn't about to pretend that the idea of a trussed-up Rayquaza horrified him; the same fate would have awaited Raikou, had they captured it. That was the job. Bashou might have disliked other things about Rocket, but that wasn't what bothered him.
"If that lies in my future as well..." Bashou hesitated, but he decided to say it. His tone became increasingly stubborn and defensive, as he went on. "Then I want to experience it. That's part of the reason why I joined. Why I fought so hard to become an agent. Not just any agent, but our kind of agent. To do things that I didn't think were possible. Things that nobody else could claim to have done. Do I miss that? Yes. But, more than that..."
It was difficult to look at Buson while talking about this, so Bashou returned his gaze to his new Roselia. It seemed fascinated by the dummy slung over his shoulder, and Bashou figured maybe they could train with this, too. He wanted to see what Roselia's thorns could do. Maybe they could be just as effective as a Pawniard's blades, especially if they came with poison as a bonus.
The fact that Bashou still thought like this - like his main purpose in life was to surround himself with weapons, and it was never enough - and he couldn't fully switch it off, not even when he was supposedly happy...it illustrated what he was about to try explaining.
"Buson...you know I'm always thinking about what could go wrong. Waiting for something bad to happen. And, so far, nothing has gone wrong here. But if it did...I don't want to be stuck here. Because I don't know how to deal with things like...a normal person. I only know how I would settle things back home. Amongst Rockets." With those last two words, Bashou lowered his voice to an inaudible whisper, just mouthing the words. "So, if I seem uncertain about what I prefer...that's why. I'm sorry."
[........ it actually worked for Buson, though!]
Bashou's words, strangely, seemed to reassure Buson. An "I don't know" is not a clear-cut answer, but hearing Bashou's reasons earned a smile from Buson.
"I'm glad... then, we're not too different."
He lowered his knees to the ground and reached forward to give Roselia a pet. It turned to watch him, then resumed being fascinated with the dummy. Yes, it did seem like it would like to train with it too!
"I sure as hell don't know how to function among normal people, Bashou. You saw how I tried to deal with a misunderstanding—well, okay, you didn't see the whole thing... I treated it like a shake-down. It was stupid and I'm lucky Mayday didn't try to put me in my place."
"I don't fit in here, either. It's just nice to pretend, I guess. I would'a liked to keep pretending to the end'a my days, but I guess a dream's only a dream if you wake up eventually."
"You won't hurt anybody here without reason, just like I wouldn't. I don't care what you do to somebody who'd wrong you, they'd deserve it. Hell, I'd join in! Hearing that's enough for me."
He stood up, feeling significantly better about this situation. Lighter, not so burdened.
As for the other matter—
"... if the Bashou in my world's the same, I guess... it's to the end, huh?"
That last statement was the only one that sounded heavy, but he's already... mostly made peace with it. Evie just ignated a small spark of hope that he knew was foolish. There wasn't any backing out of any of this, that was never really an option, so they'd just have to make the most of this reprieve.
[ oh that's a relief! ]
It was nothing to do with Buson, particularly. It was just a habit that Bashou had developed, after a lifetime of feeling misjudged, too many years carrying various secrets...he always assumed that nobody could ever relate to him, not even Buson. Sometimes, especially Buson, since they seemed like such opposites on the surface.
"All we can do is enjoy it while we're here, and hope it never sours. I know I'm often negative but...it is nice to have a place that feels like an escape. Pristine..."
Not just the scenery, but the fact that Bashou had no bad memories of this place. He surveyed Buson again, wishing he could take away some of the guilt that he felt about going back, and whatever had happened in the meantime. If Bashou could do that, he certainly would have. He was sure his conscience could have absorbed it just fine. That probably said something awful about him, but Bashou was long past caring about that.
At the same time, he smiled and reached out a hand for Roselia to take in his scent, if it wanted to, though at the moment he mostly smelled of sunscreen. Rocket caused a lot of cognitive dissonance, when it came to Pokémon (and many other things)...but that was something else that Bashou had seamlessly absorbed.
"You could even say that this place is so special because it's such a contrast from...back home. If you were already a sailor, maybe on some ships in Hoenn, would this feel like such a dream?"
[I feel like around here'll be a nice place to wrap, unless you wanna add more ^^]
In any way he can... he knew there were some demons he couldn't face for Bashou, just as there were demons Bashou couldn't face for him. Some challenges could only be met alone. But as for everything else... there was no better team!
(Buson wouldn't know it, but he'd take Bashou's wish as a touching sentiment, even though he might insist Bashou wouldn't have to do such a thing, were it possible. Buson's the one dirtying his hands, he should bear the stain on his soul, that's a price he'd have to pay. Just that fact that Bashou no longer felt it, didn't mean it was fair for him to take it for him! Bashou carried enough on his shoulders, Buson would hate the idea of burdening him with anything more.)
Roselia happily accepted his hand, enveloping it in velvety-soft rose petals, no thorn grazing him.
"I can tell. You've been doing great here," Buson said, happy to see it. "'Specially since we came to Chura."
Going back home and seeing how tense and tightly-wound his partner there still was... yes, it made him appreciate this place more.
He had considered going inside, but if Bashou and Roselia preferred to stay out here, he would linger besides them.
Bashou's statement surprised Buson. He paused to really think about it and imagine it, then shook his head. "If I'd just been a sailor... I'd probably miss home. I'd miss my family, if they were still... I'd miss my friends like—"
Like he missed you for half a year.
"... I'd just miss the land and sea I was used to. I'd probably feel out-of-place... trapped, I guess. I wouldn't like this place so much... even if it was very familiar, it's still not home."
As he spoke, he had the look of a dawning realization.
"... you're right, Bashou. That is what makes this place so good. We're the lucky ones here." He huffed in a short laugh at the sheer irony. "Imagine that! We're probably the luckiest guys here. How's that for a turn?"
He seemed altogether more at ease now, peaceful and happy.
Roselia's perfume continued to waft, rich and soothing.