Buson (Attila) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
buson) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
farawayplace2023-06-08 10:17 am
buson) wrote in farawayplace2023-06-08 10:17 am
Dreams and Reality [CW canon-typical organized crime?]
Inquiry [tweet peep post to Pippi, also crossposted to Mimmeo; backdated to around May 22nd-23rd, after their trip to Chichi Island in this thread]
BIG GAINS 💪 @(legendarycheatday):
anybody ever successfully or even halfway grow one of these things???
[A photograph of a cut Midnight Bloom from Chichi Island, sitting in a plastic bottle of water, even in the dim light, its petals still faintly glow like moonlight! There’s tissue paper spread out under it, to disguise the low tables of Gukuru House, in case anyone recognizes the exact tables or even clay pottery used at the inn.
Rather different from the anonymous user's usual strict focus on fitness tips, training regimens, and memes!]
Reprieve [present date; primarily for Bashou (bashou) in Gukuru House, but can include anyone else who run into Buson between Chura and Ohritori island]
Buson might have despaired too quickly, earlier. A Team Rocket executive was still a human being. He couldn’t defeat death itself or stop it from claiming a friend of his, but he could at least talk to a human being who terrorized one of his friends who's shaken up from already being taken hostage by Rockets before… even if the Rocket frightening him this time was his superior.
She was, after all, just a human being. Solid. Tangible. Vulnerable.
… something he knew all too well, which made even treating her solely like an enemy or threat to be dealt with quickly difficult. He still pitied her, which would surely aggravate Mayday. She might not be dealt with as quickly and easily as a nameless grunt, but maybe it wouldn't have to go that far, and they could just talk.
Before setting out, Buson would write a note for Bashou, as he didn’t see him up. Maybe he was busy working, maybe he was asleep, or maybe he stepped outside. Buson wasn’t sure at the moment, entirely focused on what he intended to do.
“Taking the ferry.
Friends having an argument.
I got to make peace.
—B.”
And then, he would simply leave it on the table and go, provided there are no interruptions, neither in Gukuru House or the docks, and take the ferry back to Ohritori, simply as a passenger. He’d have a grim and sober air about him and wouldn’t look terribly friendly or approachable today, whether on the ferry or at port, or even in the city, although he might put on a smile for a familiar face or to get information.
Peacekeeping [present date; closed to Mayday (ateamrocket), wherever he finds her]
It might have taken a lot of asking around and following some dead ends, but Buson will find her eventually (maybe to one of her usual haunts or even to whatever abandoned building she’s taken up residence!); he’s always been good at following a trail to find his target.
“Hey, Mayday.”
No honorifics or formalities, just like she asked, but the tone lacks any warmth and his voice is low and quiet, in an almost intimidating fashion. He’s approaching this like his old job, even if it felt twisted using these tactics on a superior who was only acting as a Rocket would…
Well, it isn’t clear-cut treachery yet, they're just talking.
BIG GAINS 💪 @(legendarycheatday):
anybody ever successfully or even halfway grow one of these things???
[A photograph of a cut Midnight Bloom from Chichi Island, sitting in a plastic bottle of water, even in the dim light, its petals still faintly glow like moonlight! There’s tissue paper spread out under it, to disguise the low tables of Gukuru House, in case anyone recognizes the exact tables or even clay pottery used at the inn.
Rather different from the anonymous user's usual strict focus on fitness tips, training regimens, and memes!]
Reprieve [present date; primarily for Bashou (
bashou) in Gukuru House, but can include anyone else who run into Buson between Chura and Ohritori island]Buson might have despaired too quickly, earlier. A Team Rocket executive was still a human being. He couldn’t defeat death itself or stop it from claiming a friend of his, but he could at least talk to a human being who terrorized one of his friends who's shaken up from already being taken hostage by Rockets before… even if the Rocket frightening him this time was his superior.
She was, after all, just a human being. Solid. Tangible. Vulnerable.
… something he knew all too well, which made even treating her solely like an enemy or threat to be dealt with quickly difficult. He still pitied her, which would surely aggravate Mayday. She might not be dealt with as quickly and easily as a nameless grunt, but maybe it wouldn't have to go that far, and they could just talk.
Before setting out, Buson would write a note for Bashou, as he didn’t see him up. Maybe he was busy working, maybe he was asleep, or maybe he stepped outside. Buson wasn’t sure at the moment, entirely focused on what he intended to do.
“Taking the ferry.
Friends having an argument.
I got to make peace.
—B.”
And then, he would simply leave it on the table and go, provided there are no interruptions, neither in Gukuru House or the docks, and take the ferry back to Ohritori, simply as a passenger. He’d have a grim and sober air about him and wouldn’t look terribly friendly or approachable today, whether on the ferry or at port, or even in the city, although he might put on a smile for a familiar face or to get information.
Peacekeeping [present date; closed to Mayday (
ateamrocket), wherever he finds her]It might have taken a lot of asking around and following some dead ends, but Buson will find her eventually (maybe to one of her usual haunts or even to whatever abandoned building she’s taken up residence!); he’s always been good at following a trail to find his target.
“Hey, Mayday.”
No honorifics or formalities, just like she asked, but the tone lacks any warmth and his voice is low and quiet, in an almost intimidating fashion. He’s approaching this like his old job, even if it felt twisted using these tactics on a superior who was only acting as a Rocket would…
Well, it isn’t clear-cut treachery yet, they're just talking.
[ oof this got deeper than i expected ]
"I suppose, when you've been living a certain way for so long, it's difficult to change. More difficult for some people than others, perhaps. There are those who have made Rocket their whole identity..."
Bashou had once thought that Buson was one of those people, but seeing him here in Ultern had made him reconsider. Even so, Bashou's comment about Rocket's future success had been based on his assumption that some part of Buson was still dedicated to Rocket, even here, even if it was only in an abstract, distant way. Isn't that what he would want...?
Buson's question made Bashou realise that maybe he'd been wrong in that assumption, too. It caught Bashou off guard, and for a moment, he didn't know what to say. He would usually keep his inner workings a secret and only speak his conclusion, but this time, he decided to voice his thoughts.
"I never wanted to live off freelance work, so I really miss having a more stable income. I miss Zan, and Makana..." Bashou had tried not to think about the Pokémon he'd left behind; perhaps they were what he missed the most. "I miss being able to contact my family - which is funny, since I never contact them, but it's difficult to know that I can't, really. That's a lot of things to miss, isn't it? Big things..."
Bashou paused a moment, trying to clear his head of thoughts of his missed Porygon-Z and Comfey, so that he could consider things from a different perspective.
"Apart from that, so far, I think I would prefer to stay here. Nothing bad has happened here. Apart from getting set upon by some Morelull and Murkrow, but what I mean is...I haven't felt bad here. Not since we got to this island."
That should have been a good thing, right? Logically, Bashou knew that it was a good thing. But he was so unaccustomed to feeling relaxed and happy, he couldn't shake off his feeling of foreboding when he thought about it too hard.
"I don't know! I like it here. I feel better here. But...I'm not used to feeling better. That must sound ridiculous, I know. But what if I end up...going soft? What if I end up not me?"
[CW suicidality, drowning mention--not Buson]
As it was for Mayday...
Buson looked confused at the names Bashou said, not recognizing them. "People you know...?"
He looked sympathetic at family. Of course, Bashou still had a living family, he mentioned a sister on his first day here... these were very good reasons to miss home.
Buson no longer had anything but the gang back home.
Buson listened to the end without further interruption, any tension fading as he earned a better understanding of his partner, he even smiled in relief at hearing him say he hadn't felt bad since coming here. He's so grateful for the decision to move, even if he had to start over.
But what he said at the end was so unexpectedly vulnerable and so fearful, he couldn't take it in stride. He made his way over and sat down besides Bashou, leaning gently against his side, but not holding him unless Bashou drew nearer, just in case.
"... you're you, Bashou. We've established that, right? You'll always be you. You aren't just the things that hurt you. You aren't just your scars. If you're going soft, hell, what'll you call me?"
It's a genuine fear, if they have to go back to their old lives. Something that weighed on him frequently, although he tried his hardest not to think about it. He understood Manzana's conviction to throw himself into the sea if he returned alive. He couldn't live with the guilt of what he'd done in Kalos. Could Buson return to being a Rocket and survive, with so much empathy gained for Pokemon? Could he come back and hold Evie, knowing what fates he subjected others of her kind to...?
He had one thing Manzana didn't. He had Bashou. He can keep his heart, even in a line of work doing everything it can to stamp it out of him to progress, because he has someone that meant more to him than all of that. A lifeline for his humanity.
"... I'll keep you safe. I won't let anything happen to you. You deserve to feel safe, you can relax, you can go soft or whatever, I want you to live. You weren't born just to be a weapon, a blade always drawn, cannon fodder for the Boss' ambitions. I'll be your sheath and your shield. I'm sure it's the same for your Buson back home... if we're still us, in any world... I'd want you to feel safe. To feel better. To really live, not just survi—"
He hadn't noticed until it happened, but he'd shed a tear. Sure, he felt his eyes sting as he went on, voice low, but emotion spilling into the cracks, but...
Re: [CW suicidality, drowning mention--not Buson]
Bashou was reassuring himself, more than anything else. They would be fine. A Porygon-Z could move in cyberspace, and Makana was outside, where she could go and seek out flowers to her heart's content.
Bashou didn't move any closer to Buson, and didn't lean against him this time, but he also didn't pull away. His expression creased into one of frustration.
"I can't go soft. I can't go back to...how I was before Rocket. And yet, it's nothing to do with Rocket, or the Boss, or...anything beyond myself. I've worked so hard, Buson, to become...this."
Though it was only a tiny movement, Bashou straightened his back. His tone of voice, too, became firmer.
"I want to stay here. I am happier here, and I can relax more than I ever could back home. But I can't just become some...nonchalant, passive, pathetic thing that relies solely on your protection. It would be an insult to myself and everything I've done. Everything I've been through."
Bashou realised, a little late, how emotional Buson had become. Perhaps he was making it worse with his iron words. He softened his voice, but that was all.
"I hope...I hope you can understand, Buson. And I'm sorry that I can't be any other way. Even here."
[something something ideals of masculinity something]
Service Pokemon...? He didn't recall Bashou having those, but that might be another small difference between their worlds. He hesitated to ask what they were for, looking a bit concerned, but the Comfey, he could guess, at least. He didn't understand the concept well enough, he associated them more with physical disabilities.
"Keep 'em on you, then, if you go back. Maybe they'll come along."
He hoped he wouldn't go, but if he did...
He won't do anything more if Bashou doesn't react to him, he'll just stay besides him and shift away when Bashou straightens his back.
He listened to the rest of Bashou's words without interruption.
"You don't have to be sorry," Buson finally replied. "... I don't ask you to be. Don't get it confused—or maybe... I didn't say it right? I'll try again. Clearer this time."
A breath to steady his voice.
"Alright.. I'm not sayin' you gotta be weak or passive or anythin' like that, you're not a doll or a pet, Bashou, you have your pride as a man, too. I just mean it's okay to relax a little too. You're always on guard, back home, so I'm glad to see you more at... ease, I guess? Kinder, too. That's the main thing, I guess I misunderstood what you meant by soft. All I'm sayin' is don't... cut yourself off from everything else in life to live like you only exist to carry out missions. I'll just be here if you need me, that's all. Same as it's always been. I'll have your back."
"You don't gotta rely on me, but I don't wanna leave you out on the street, either... you looked bad in the Pokemon Center. I couldn't leave you there, either."
Well, here, there's a lot of wilderness, so if Bashou did want to retreat to the woods or something...
"... you could handle the wilderness, though. You wanna go camp out? Or do you wanna train? What would make you feel stronger? We could be stronger together. If weakness is what's scaring you, let's make sure you don't go weak.
"If it's about work, let's try an' get you a better job, like... I dunno, that's still not my forte, but I'll ask around an' see, okay? Maybe gettin' one of those fixed income jobs still requires connections and networking y'gotta do in person."
Gatherings that Bashou would probably avoid for various reasons... so, Buson could help there! Well, he probably couldn't attend himself, but he could learn enough to pass the word onto Bashou, and if there's gatherings where there won't be anything Bashou can't deal with, it'll be a golden opportunity, right?
"... and... if it's stuff you gotta do on your own, tell me, alright? I know I'm a nosy busybody, so if it's somethin' I can't fix, or which y'gotta do your own way, just tell me, so I understand and back off. I get it. We're men. Just tell me."
His own tone was a bit too harsh at the end, although he meant it as a plea, Buson's aggressive speech, coupled with how his more intense emotions always tended to take on the form of anger, made it sound far too loud and harsh, so he added, awkwardly: "Please?"
Re: [something something ideals of masculinity something]
Why should he ever have worried about becoming soft? He couldn't be soft. That ability was lost to him, if he'd ever had it at all. It was impossible. Why worry about something impossible?
Bashou gazed around the room, taking in the colours and textures - everything harmonious, nothing garish or out of place - and the way the light filtered through the screen doors. He remembered what it was like when they first came here. The peace and relief that he'd felt after being in a Pokémon Centre on the main island. Buson was right: he couldn't have stayed there. And Bashou's feelings hadn't changed.
"I still like it here, you know. I still like it with you here. Don't have much urge to go camping in the wilderness, after our recent trip. But you reminded me about something important: I should train more. Before I came here, I was learning how to throw knives, I wanted Alecto to evolve into a Bisharp...I put those things on hold, and perhaps I shouldn't have. The work situation is more complicated, though. I would rather have the solitude of freelancing, even if it means an unpredictable income, than a job where I constantly have to be mixing with people. But I appreciate you trying to help, anyway. If nothing else, you've helped me to clarify my own thoughts and feelings. I appreciate that. And I appreciate you being here for me, as always."
Bashou gave Buson a sidewards glance, trying to work out how receptive he'd be to a joke at a moment like this - especially since all of Bashou's jokes sounded just the same as his regular statements. Working out whether he was truly joking was half the battle.
"If all else fails, there's always fraud."
no subject
"I'm... glad to hear that, honestly."
Backing off the job topic, so, now it's just a matter of focusing on training!
Before Buson could manage to ask if Bashou would like a dummy to practice on (he could make one fairly easily, he might just make one anyway and leave it as a surprise!), Bashou cracked a joke that got Buson snickering, then laughing, rubbing at his eyes, and elbowing Bashou (lightly!)
"Get outta here! I had one close call with a cop in Ohritori, I don't wanna get tied up in crime in Chura too, not even by association, damn."
no subject
Bashou turned to glare at Buson, but his stare was just a bit too deadpan, even more than usual. Hopefully it would be enough to show Buson that he was still joking, but just in case it wasn't, Bashou shook his head and softened his gaze.
"No, I would rather not do anything illegal in a place like this, without Rocket's resources and influence. Too stressful! Maybe if I had to, for my own protection, but I don't feel like making money that way. So, you have nothing to worry about there."
Although it seemed like an unnecessary question, taking into account everything he'd seen and heard from Buson recently, Bashou still wanted to hear his thoughts on it.
"Anyway, what about you? If you had to choose between staying here or returning...?"
no subject
When asked, his answer came quickly, without hesitation: "I'd stay right here. I'd only go back briefly for a visit maybe, but I really do love the life I got here. It's nice not t'have to hide my face in public. It's nice not to be hated, even if I'll always be feared a little... that's got its pros too.
"... I don't got family to visit anymore. Couldn't even visit 'em for a long time before that. Too dangerous... so, they never knew. Wonder what kinda job they thought it was...? Wonder if they ever suspected it..."
Coming into money like that, all of a sudden... it's suspicious, isn't it?
"The idea of going back to that kinda life makes me... a little sick. But I can still do it. Saw that today, I can still box everythin' up and play the bad guy, do whatever's needed. Real professional. Given the choice, though? To hell with all'a it, sailing's easier on my mind. I'd wanna see the you I knew there an' my buddies, but that's it."
He had one more question to ask of his own, but he figured he should wait to ask it, watching Bashou's response closely.
no subject
If he thought about it too much, he might panic at the idea that he was living here with a stranger; he might even go overboard, become withdrawn and push Buson away. He'd ruin everything, probably.
And what would it mean if they got reverse-drifted out of Ultern? They wouldn't have each other to talk or reminisce about it, if they were from different worlds, right? What if they ended up preferring each other to their "real" partners back home?
So, while a part of Bashou was curious about what "he" might have been like in another world, he decided not to ask.
Buson's answer was what Bashou had expected. Buson had settled in here so well: he had friends, being a sailor suited him, kindness suited him. He'd been here for longer than Bashou, but that wasn't the reason.
"My family don't know either. But I suppose it's different. I can still say that I'm a programmer, and it's not a complete lie. Even so, that's why I don't talk to them very often. The danger. And I get tired of lying and hiding things..."
Even though I'm always lying and hiding things, Rocket or not...
"But I can see why you'd be happier here. I am, too, it's just...it suits you."
no subject
"I'd probably just keep scarin' off partners with my temper, the danger keeping me away from home, I'd have ended up alone or only fallin' in with the worst of Rocket to get ahead, do anythin' to get paid, and wound up like some poorly-socialized Houndoom or somethin', snappin' at anyone who got too close. I'd have ended up too cutthroat to ever fit anywhere else, much less here, Bashou. Don't get it twisted, I can be cruel too, if it serves the mission, you know that. I think... maybe you think this all comes naturally to me, but it's a struggle to exist like that and do the work we do.
"Maybe I'd still be hurtin' people here too, like the others... but with you for a partner, I gotta pay close attention to understand, since you talk a whole lot less, and I think it's saved me, in a way. It's like I saved up all'a that kindness for you... and it made adjusting to Ultern easier."
Buson seemed more at peace with the idea now that the very core of Bashou was the same, in any world they met, regardless of differing circumstances. He even seemed to ascribe his present kindness to having Bashou by his side!
"... that too corny?" he asked, grinning to hide the fact he genuinely felt shy saying all that. "Dunno why I'm spillin' my guts out to ya on such a fine day. S'not like we're dying!"
A playful punch at Bashou's arm, but without any strength in at all.
Then, he decided to finally ask, in a quieter voice, gaze concerned, though he tried to keep his tone light.
"What's the service Pokemon for, Bashou...?"
You didn't need one in his world, implied, unless Buson was simply never informed of their purpose.
"Comfey, I'm guessin', serves a purpose like the Midnight Bloom, but what's the other one for? ... you're not losing your sight or hearing or anythin', are you? Because I wouldn't have taken you to explore an island at night if I knew somethin' like that—tell me, if it's somethin' big, okay?"
The only thing that seemed to be weighing on Buson then was not understanding what kind of accomodations Bashou might need. He accepted they were slightly different, but it seemed his ignorance in what a service Pokemon could be used for, had him worrying that this Bashou might be losing one of his senses.
no subject
"I think it's nice for us to know some things about each other," Bashou said, smiling at the light-hearted 'punch'. "Especially if chances are we come from different worlds. If we're only...here, then what's the harm in it?"
In that pause, Bashou had silently added 'if we're only going to be together here'. Whatever he learned about this Buson couldn't hurt anyone, nor vice versa, if they had to go back. But Bashou couldn't voice it, even if it made perfect sense. It might hurt too much.
Compared to that, clarifying what he'd said about 'service Pokémon' felt much easier.
"Yes, I have Makana for her aromatherapy. And Zan - that's my Porygon-Z. I don't know if 'service Pokémon' was the right term, really...? It takes care of my house. Like a smart home system and a security system rolled into one, with the added benefits of being a Pokémon that can appear and attack or defend, if needed. I suppose I still think of Zan as a service Pokémon, since having that level of security helps me to feel better, but...no, there is nothing physical going on with me. Thankfully."
Thinking back to what Buson had said earlier, Bashou had a question. He wasn't sure why he was asking, since surely the answer could only be applicable to some other Bashou, somewhere. Not to himself, and not to "his" Buson. But he was curious.
"Was I really worth all that effort?" Am I? "Why did you not just scare me away - or try to - and find someone easier as a partner?"
[drops a novel in here, I am so sorry]
Even if it'd hurt to go back home and be separated, knowing he won't forget what he's learned here? He'd still have the memories? It's a great comfort, now, and they could come back again. Who knows how many times? Like being together across two lifetimes.
"Oh, so it's for security," Buson said, sounding relieved. "That's good. I'm glad."
Bashou's question's phrasing actually made Buson look hurt.
"... of course, you are. I don't want easy, Bashou, I want you. It could only be you."
Why did Bashou seem to hate himself so much? ... well, maybe it wasn't too hard to understand, he had a generally low opinion of himself too, but it still hurt to hear and see his partner talk this way.
He reached out, to hold his shoulder if he'd let him (the one nearer to him, he didn't wrap his arm behind his back).
"... y'know, I wasn't tryin' to chase them off on purpose, at least, not back then. I'd just get mad or frustrated and it'd scare people. People didn't wanna work with someone as loud as me, someone who shouts as much as I do, or someone who punches things, I guess. Even when I'm not mad, they'd misunderstand me or have an issue with the way I talk. Don't really blame 'em. But that sorta thing's also what I had to do for a livin', I've been like this for so long, there's no point in tryin' to stop, so if it just kept happenin', I think I'd just stop tryin' to get along with 'em and scare 'em off on purpose so I can just keep doing my thing, instead'a gettin' my hopes up only to be left behind."
That sounded a little pathetic, maybe, but...
"... you help me calm down. You explain what I can't see when I'm frustrated. You make things make sense again. There isn't anyone better than you at that. I've said it before, but I'll say it again, you're my best friend. We're in sync. There isn't anyone else who gets me like you do. Even after months alone, if I have to walk or run with anyone else, I have to adjust my pace, because I'm only use to keeping pace with you, so that's what I do naturally. It's a lot of little things like that I wouldn't even notice, so I can't even think of them, but they're there.
"I was lost for a really long time here, on my own, when you weren't here. I was treated so kindly by some people, but I still tried to keep my distance from everyone. I didn't wanna get close to anyone, just thought of how I could earn their trust, to use 'em to get information. Things like that. I didn't know how to deal with kindness. I didn't wanna hurt the people who were kind to me, but I didn't know what else I was supposed to do but try to keep living as a Rocket, in case I eventually get orders. Even with a fake identity, getting just a taste of normal life... I felt like the worst, most undeserving scumbag.
"And I could hear the kids working at that cafe, too, they definitely thought I was some kinda criminal, even in a kimono and straw hat and nothin' showin' but half my face. I could hide everything about me and people still get scared'a me, without me even tryin'. I'll still look like an outsider anywhere I go. So, what's the point in pretendin' to be human, if people are just gonna see me as a monster either way?"
It sounded like he had a strong dislike for his own appearance, almost ironic, given how much time he devoted to his physique, but that's simply another way the insecurity manifested.
He started to realize he might just have to tell Bashou the same things he told Gold, while trying to reassure him about his friend, who left home. He didn't really want to get into another emotionally exhausting speech, but... maybe giving Bashou all of these details, especially if it's possible Bashou'll be gone too, someday, although he hoped he wouldn't have to see that... maybe it's for the best that he tell him now, while he can. So he won't have any regrets for not saying these things to him. Bashou still seemed to not understand how much he really meant to him, how irreplaceable he really was, so...
"The only thing that got my defenses down was basically being forced to speak the truth, how I met Manzana. But even with him, it's not the same as it is with you, you know? He helped me adjust to living here, but even though he forgives me for what I've been, he can't accept the darkest parts of me, and I didn't wanna scare him too bad, either. So I gotta consider my words more, gotta choose what parts to hide or reveal, but you... you know what I'm capable of and you aren't scared of it. You've seen me at my worst. You're the only person I can be my whole self with. I don't have to put on a mask, with you. I don't have to hide... you'll accept me as I am.
"Even if I make a lotta friends, Bashou, none of them are like you. You see me hangin' out with all sorts of people, but they only get to see one or two sides'a me that suit 'em, that I choose to show... because they can't handle the rest'a me. I hope you understand it, I mean it, I'll swear on it, if you want me to... you're one in a million. You're irreplaceable. This is a once-in-a-lifetime kinda thing."
Perhaps spoken with more intensity than needed, but Buson was eager to be believed and, thinking back to Manzana, briefly wondered if Bashou would agree to a sakazuki (or was it a little too closely associated with crime?) or even a blood oath, but held his tongue.
[ no need to be sorry!! it was lovely ;_; ]
Bashou still found it a bit strange, but as Buson spoke, he realised it could have been much worse. He didn't know if it would be possible, if there was any reality where it could happen...but what if he'd ended up here with a Buson who didn't understand him, or didn't like him?
Could that scenario even exist? It was difficult to imagine...
So much of what Buson said was deeply moving, but Bashou wasn't good at that. While he took it all in, and though he wanted to say something to match Buson's level of openness, he couldn't find the words. Except for when Buson confessed how he felt about how he looked.
"I was always a bit jealous of you, you know. Because of how you look, and how you move through the world. You say that people get scared of you, but...I've purposely chosen Pokémon that might get me the same reactions. That probably sounds foolish, doesn't it? I'm not trying to undermine your feelings either, by the way..."
"And you say 'once-in-a-lifetime'." Bashou hesitated, wondering if he could make this point in the way he intended. He decided to try. "But it seems, for us, it's at least twice. I wonder if that just makes us very lucky, or...is it like that for other people, too?"
Bashou didn't want to talk about 'soulmates', since that was just the kind of concept he'd usually ridicule, but he supposed that was what he meant. Something like that, anyway.
"In any case...there's no need to be surprised that I accept you, regardless of what you might have done. I've probably done worse. Maybe I should be the one saying that I'm grateful that you seem to accept me."
Maybe it was a risk to say that, but since they were being honest...
[thank you, I'm glad you think so!]
"I guess I should'a said I'm thinkin' of Ultern like a lifetime in itself," Buson said with a warm smile. "Since this world's separate from the one back home, even if we carry our memories with us. Y'know, I really think we were destined to meet, I know you don't believe in that stuff, but it's just what I feel."
He let go, moving to look Bashou in the eye.
"Of course, Bashou. We all had our paths to take in life. I'm not gonna judge ya for what you did to survive... or for what all that cruelty did to ya. You had to adapt. I'm in no position to judge... I dunno if you'll ever understand how much your friendship kept me human, but I'll still thank you for it."
... if he ever went back, maybe he should tell his Bashou back home the same thing. Especially if this Raikou mission's bound for failure. Maybe not dive into all that other stuff, but just let his partner know how much he appreciates having him, might make it sting a little less... he could wait to tell him the rest, about saving him, in case saying all that then might have the unintended effect of convincing his Bashou back home he should've been crueler to succeed and not given those kids so many chances...
Timing was important for this sort of thing, Buson realized.
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"I suppose it's not about us. It's just about human nature. Everyone gets judged. We want to control how people see us, and to correct them when they're wrong...but we can't. Not on first glance, anyway." Just in case that made him sound insecure, Bashou quickly added, "It's not about what people think, but when they act on what they think...that's when it becomes a problem."
Bashou sighed deeply, already tired of thinking through the unfixable dilemma that was other people. Then he met Buson's gaze, and it felt like a rare moment of surrendering to not knowing.
"I still have no idea how we got here, or whether it was by accident or design. For all I know, you could be right. Destiny. It's impossible to disprove. But, whatever it is...I'm just glad. That's all."